Be like a Bee.

Why the best designers are like a bee, they master simplification, stakeholder management, and inherent product intuition to become indispensable. Not because they’re extraordinary with wielding their skills, but maintaining the interconnected part.

A friend of mine, his name is Seun showcase this skillset many times, he leaves me bewildered. He is like the heart of his team, utilizing many design skills and stakeholders management. He will oversee illustration, motion to visual design even when they’re not his role, setup tools that will make other designers on the team very functional. He is one of the most utilitarian designer I know.

In any product squad, best designers currency are the utility. They’re the anchor engineering and product team cling to during launch crunches or pivots. They don’t just ship high-fidelity mocks; the most impactful part of their work is the relentlessly pushing the product vision forward, creating tangible business value and unblocking others. And this traits is easy to spot.

When product team are faced with wicked problems, the best designers are the leaders they turn to, if not it is usually the person with the design mindset. Their success isn't just about pixel perfection, it is inextricably linked to their soft skills. They possess the ability to articulate design rationale clearly, to say "no" to feature creep without alienating stakeholders, and to discern when to fight for a user pattern. They know when to compromise for technical feasibility.

Pollinating.

While we think of bees as pollinators, they’re basically just trying to collect food for their offspring—they seek the most pollen, nectar, or floral oils flowers possible. Basically, it’s just addition and subtraction from anther (male flowers) added to the stigma (female flowers), and they’re effective at it.

Best designers are like this. They pollinate, take from all over the places adding to where it is required. A designer’s primary directive is pollinating, substracting and transmuting a chaotic web of technical constraints and business requirements into a beautiful insight, an interface so intuitive it feels invisible. Regrettably, some designers tend to shallow-design when it comes to this, not including context, not pollinating and subtracting enough, adding friction in an attempt to avoid the hard work.

True design sense, that gut feeling for what users actually need versus what they say they need cannot be taught in a bootcamp. It is an inherent instinct that must be identified and harnessed by hiring individuals who already possess it. And the best designers who emulate this are bees like. They’re utilitarian, product thinker and tinkerer, they orchestrate, they’re functional even when the environment is constraining.

Be like a bee.

Research and anecdotal evidence suggest that charisma, when perceived as authentic, can significantly influence career progression, with one study indicating that charisma accounted for team members to consider the other member who score high in charisma as more effective — (Shonk, 2025)

Personally, I learned this the hard way when I was kicked out of a team in under a month. The founder expected me to fawn; I stood on my merits instead, not knowing this will cost me the contract. “Bye,” he said. While painful, that experience crystallised a critical theory often neglected by managers. I was performing, doing my task, and I like to go extra, asking all sort of questions to unblock my team, which will be a clear indicator of someone that’s willing to do their job. These were questions others were afraid to ask, for obvious reasons. I forget that I was suppose to act like I was in love with the manager to get anything done.

Fawning is a hidden, destructive behaviour that mimics “Norming” in the team formation process; when member of the team cannot get through the norming to performing stage, they implore a tactic called “Fawning”, a silent killer of true performance which trades competence for ego-stroking. If you’re not the type of person who enjoy politics, you might want to stay clear from this kind of environment, or ask yourself important questions when this is the only option available to you in an environment or even a situation. Fawning can often look like charismatic.

Fawning? What is it.

In a nutshell, I call it people pleasing. The difficulty of saying no, the fear of saying what you really feel, and denying your own needs, these are all signs of the fawn response. You neglects what you think is right, for what you think others want to hear. In a critical environment, this is detrimental to an healthy team formation.

The fawn is a trauma response, “a response to appease the threat by becoming more appealing to the threat,” according to, licensed psychotherapist Pete Walker, MA who is credited with coining the term fawning.”

The Illusion of “Culture Fit”

The common counter-argument is that social cohesion and “likability” are essential for a team to function. Proponents argue that high charisma and agreeableness; often labeled as “culture fit” lubricate the friction of early team formation, allowing the group to move quickly past the messy “Storming” phase.

However, this perspective confuses genuine social intelligence with fawning. Fawning is a trauma response or a manipulative tactic used to establish safety by appeasing power figures. In a professional setting, a fawner avoids necessary conflict and agrees with leadership regardless of the truth.

When we prioritise this “smoothness” over friction, we validate a false signal. A team member who challenges an idea is often labeled “difficult,” while the one who nods blindly is labeled a “good fit.” This creates a dangerous precedent where the appearance of harmony is valued more than the reality of the work. We begin to view participation, just showing up and blending in, as performance. But blending in is not the same as adding value.

Trap Between Norming & Performing

To understand the damage, we must look at the standard group development cycle: Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing. My critical insight is that there is a trap door between Norming and Performing this is the Fawning stage.

In a healthy “Norming” stage, a team establishes rules, respects differences, and agrees on how to work together. In the “Fawning” trap, the new employee bypasses the hard work of Norming. Instead of aligning on standards, they align on emotions. They mirror the leader’s desires to secure their position. Performing becomes performative.

This is a tactical deviation. The fawner cannot actually norm because they possess no authentic self within the group dynamic; they are merely a reflection of what the manager wants to see. Because they never truly “Norm”, which requires honesty, communicating personal constraints and boundary setting, they can never truly “Perform.” They get stuck in a loop of pleasing. The team feels united, but they are actually stalled, unable to reach the high-performance stage because one key cog is spinning freely, disconnected from the actual gears of the work.

The Managerial Ego

The persistence of fawning is rarely the fault of the employee alone; it is enabled by leaders with fragile egos.

Fawning is an addictive drug for a manager with low self-esteem. When a new hire tells you everything you want to hear, laughs at your jokes, and validates your genius, the dopamine hit is immediate. In my own experience, the founder fired me not because I couldn’t do the job, but because I didn’t provide that emotional supply. It forced me to set a rules of engagement with new clients, which stated that I will say things relating to the work, the founder may not entirely agree with to get the job done, and that they have to agree. You don’t have to agree with me every time, no appealing to feelings here, just hard fact based on actual evidence or strong rational.

The most critical failure in early team formation, is going from norming to performing, because of this phenomenal. Managers who lack the self-awareness to distinguish between a team member who respects them and a team member who is fawning over them. When a manager unconsciously selects for fawning, they are selecting for weakness. They build a team of “Yes Men” who make them feel safe, rather than a team of experts who make them successful, and say things that’s convenient sometimes. The moment it is time to perform, to face hard market realities, the fawner crumbles because their entire energy has been spent on relationship management rather than task execution.

How to spot, and mitigate fawning

Common signs to look for include: excessive agreement with all ideas in meetings, even contradictory ones. Consistently taking on extra work despite lack a of capacity, and constantly seeking reassurance on all work contributions.

While fawning behaviour can be attributed to an individual’s personal struggles, it could also be a sign of issues within the team dynamic, one of which is low psychological safety. A one to one consultation may mitigate this and provides clarity.

This dynamic is particularly common among design teams, where work is subjective and personal. If we do not actively mitigate the causes of fawning, we may stifle innovation. Design teams are vulnerable to fawning for these specific reasons, but each has a managerial solution:

1. Subjectivity traps

Design is often a matter of opinion, leading insecure designers to solve for the Creative Director’s mood rather than the user’s problem. We may need to move from opinion to evidence based approach. Managers must establish objective design principles and use user testing data, or factual artefacts as the arbiter of truth. When “good” is defined by data, the designer doesn’t need to fawn over the manager taste.

2. Trauma-based critiques

Designers with “critique trauma” from past toxic roles fawn to survive reviews, treating feedback as an attack. Separate the person from the work. Implement structured critique frameworks (remove “I like, I wish, I wonder, I feel”) and give feedback based on context, strictly on the output, ensuring the designer feels safe enough to disagree.

3. The know all leader

When a leader is a “Visionary Genius,” knows everything, the team learns that mimicry is the fastest path to approval. Implore speak last rules, withhold your opinion as the lead until the team has spoken. If the leader speaks first, they anchor the room; if they speak last, they invite honest exploration.

4. Imposter syndrome

Designers feeling like frauds will fawn to hide their perceived incompetence. Normalising vulnerability and admitting your own uncertainty or mistakes as a leader, may removes the need for the team to perform “perfection,” allowing them to focus on actual problem-solving.

5. Commitment deficit

Employees whose primary commitment lies elsewhere, overwhelmed, moonlighting, or using company time for external projects often leverage over-agreeableness as a shield against scrutiny, effectively buying the time and energy they are allocating to other pursuits. The goal is not to prohibit external activity entirely (which may be unrealistic or counterproductive to morale), but to eliminate the need for secrecy that breeds fawning and commitment deficits.

Conclusion

To summarise, we must stop confusing the silence of fawning with the stability of norming. Fawning is not a “soft skill”; it is a barrier to the final stage of team formation: Performing. My dismissal was a symptom of a leader who preferred the comfort of compliance over the friction of competence.

For managers and founders, the lesson is clear, If a new hire makes you feel consistently comfortable and validated in the first month, be skeptical. True performance requires the courage to disagree. Do not let your ego be the ceiling of your team’s potential.

Was I truly chasing what I wanted, or just chasing the signal it sent?

This reflection sometimes brought clarity, other times anxiety. But after coming across René Girard’s work, I began to notice patterns, many of my desires weren’t entirely mine. They were imitations, born out of comparison. And some of these comparisons traits were culturally influence too.

In my culture, Yoruba. Parent will often compared you to other children behaving how they will like you to behave, without knowing what leverages the other kids have or even the factor that was driving them. We all have grown with this traits, and to manage it, you have to confront it. Perform a heist, and dig deeper to uproot the tyrants.

But to do this, I need help. So I delved deeper into this vague but very vital topic we all dread talking about. And no resource explains it better than René Girard’s Mimetic Theory.

Realisation

Why I am writing about this. A lot of reflection. The problem is true reflection can often feel like a waste of time, we don’t like doing it. But when you’re intentional about understanding yourself and your emotions, you realise it’s not a waste at all. Even when nothing seems to happen after reflecting, something within us is quietly connecting the dots. We begin to gain clarity.

Albert et al. (2009) found that learning doesn’t only happen when we’re actively working on tasks. It continues when we pause. Our brains use downtime to organise information and form new patterns based on what we’ve learned. Taking time to reflect is also a form of work, that doesn’t just stop when you do it.

Time spent in stillness isn’t wasted, it’s another form of necessary work.

So we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves after long periods of thinking, reflecting, or simply being still. The silence is part of the growth.

Stillness. Society rarely values it. We often mistake it for stagnation and judge ourselves for it. Anxiety sets in because we feel unproductive. Yet we all need moments to process life, to untangle the constant stream of information we absorb, both consciously and unconsciously.

Let’s dive in

It is overwhelming this days. I am learning to embrace the process, even with its turmoil, to slow down, observe, and move with the current. What I’ve come to appreciate about this phase is that when the exhaustion fades, clarity often follows. During those quiet, mellow periods, I find space to ask some seemingly silly questions like, “What am I looking for?” or “Am I even where I want to be?” They’re simple, but very hard questions to answer.

Sometimes these questions bring clarity; other times, they spark anxiety. And we know, anxiety almost always grows out of fear. And fear for me usually stem from comparison. That I am not where I am supposed to be. That I need to be somewhere. That I am not doing enough. After much of this reflection, I’ve realised that the father of my worries is comparison, and the mother is envy.

Envy

According to the Oxford English Dictionary (2024), envy is “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.”

Many of the things we chase aren’t truly ours. Envy derails. Often, we desire what others desire without realising it. Girard (1977) explains that our desires are not object-centred; they don’t originate from within us. Instead, we learn what to want by observing others. This is where comparison begins, leading to imitation, and eventually to envy.

Envy quietly chips away at self-worth. When we constantly compare ourselves, we lose sight of our own potential.

“The first step in staying happy is recognising that you don’t need to follow anyone else’s path. Your journey is unique, and it’s exactly as it should be.”

— Chris Walker

No person, possession, or achievement will permanently satisfy our desires. It’s human nature: once one goal is reached, another quickly takes its place, sometimes even less meaningful than the last. It doesn’t do us good jumping from one desire to the other. Which is what comparison does.

To break this cycle, we must recognise when our desires are borrowed and consciously choose which ones to nurture. Mimetic theory helps us do just that.

Desire

— a strong feeling of wanting or wishing to have something.

It can be a direct result of other’s influence, many times it is. Other times, this feeling arises when we perceive a lack in ourselves compared to someone else, compelling us to pursue what they possess.

Mimetic Desire

Girard calls this mimetic desire: seeing someone else desire something makes it desirable to us. Which is no difference from how comparison lead us the path of desiring what won’t benefit us. Luke Burgis expands on this idea: we imitate others’ desires, sometimes even their traits, hoping to achieve the same outcomes. This isn’t always intentional, but envy makes us chase things, copying personas that may harm us. It is a necessary work to keep desire in check, which a lot of time is the influence of envy.

Shreyas Doshi expanded on this topic. How to beat Envy.

We copy desires. We want what our friends want. We see someone land a massive gig, marry a beautiful partner, have a baby, launch a startup, or get into the “dream school,” and suddenly we want the same thing. How do we get out of this race and recalibrate ourselves? The trick is learning to diagnose our envy early before it runs deep into our system. And the best way to do this, is to be mindful of who we envy. And watch our information streams.

In Old Money (1988), Nelson W. Aldrich Jr. described the pain of envy as, ‘the almost frantic sense of emptiness inside oneself, as if the pump of one’s heart were sucking on air.’

Envy is mean and arguably the most shameful of the deadly sins we all don’t like to admit it. Our envy is hardly ever admitted. Who wants to admit that they’re being influenced by their peers? Ego will not let us. But we all have people we envy whether we like it or not. It is innate, but we have to learn to recognise and control it. Which is why I am writing this article in the pursuit of learning to control it myself.

Navigating Envy

Some recent experience with envy. Not the loud ugly kind, but the subtle type, the one that sneaks in when you’re not paying attention, the kind you pick up from watching friends social media timeline, that of a newly accomplished friends, a beautiful stranger vacation photoshoot. Yes that kind. We don’t like talking about it, but the evidence is always there if we look closely. In fact, the more you pay attention to the stream, the more clarity we have, and the easier it becomes to diagnose it early.

Diagnosing Envy

To diagnose envy, we need to put in extra effort, that of paying attention, to who we envy at first (the model). If not, it can rob us of our peace, joy and mess up our life direction. Then question our desire (the object) we want so badly. That new channel bag, do you really need it? The new iPhone 17 is it something you need right now?

Diagnosing envy takes effort and focus. Start by identifying who you envy (the model) and what you want (the object).

Ask yourself:

• Do I really need this new bag or iPhone?

• Or am I responding to an emotional trigger?

Brands often exploit these feelings to sell what we don’t need. Diagnosing envy can literally save money.

A useful tool here is the Mimetic Triangle.

Mimetic Triangle

Réne Girard created this term, in his work mimetic theory, which states that our desires are imitated. We don’t desire things in isolation; we learn to desire by watching others.

You’re not thinking. You’re just rationalizing beliefs you picked up from the groups you want to belong to.

— Content Philosopher on X

What is Mimetic Triangle?

A simple illustrations of “mimetic triangle”:

• The Subject: You, who initially have no particular desire.

• The Model: Your friend, looking at the last slice of pizza.

• The Object: The last slice of pizza, what you now want because your friend desire it.

• The rivalry: This happens when the model and you want the same thing because you are copying each other’s desire, not because the thing is truly valuable but for the competition.

This plays out most time in our life, our friends want something and we got home and start desiring the same thing. Before we know, envy has taking place. And if you don’t reflect and don’t understand this, quickly leads to rivalry. Simple as that.

Rivalry

Mimetic rivalry happens when both parties mirror each other’s desire. The original object becomes irrelevant, the real goal becomes winning.

This is wasted energy. Like arguing just to win, not to solve the problem.

Girard warned that unchecked imitation leads to cycles of conflict where everyone loses.

Carlo Cipolla (1976) put it best:

“A stupid person causes losses to others without gaining anything themselves, and may even incur losses.”

That’s mimetic rivalry, pointless, harmful, and self-defeating.

Envy among group

Girard argued that myths and rituals in many ancient societies evolved from real acts of collective violence, later retold as sacred stories that restored peace. This pattern is not unique to Greek mythology; it appears across African oral traditions as well, in the myths, folktales, and community rituals that seek to explain conflict, misfortune, or harmony.

“Envy is the root cause of many poor choices in our career and life.”
— Shreyas Doshi

Girard’s “scapegoat mechanism” explains how groups channel tension toward one target, seen in gossip, cliques, or startup rivalries. It may feel like unity, but it’s often envy disguised as loyalty.

Imitation can be useful

Imitation isn’t always harmful. Role models accelerate learning and inspire growth. The problem is unfiltered imitation, when borrowed desires take root subconsciously and drive our decisions.

Healthy imitation pushes us forward. Unchecked imitation derails us.

Always ask: Is this desire truly mine, or someone else’s reflection?

Dealing with Envy

Not all envy is destructive as mentioned earlier. It can point us toward what we value most, if we use it as data. To prevent envy from becoming toxic.

Here’s a process that helps:

1. Spot the Triangle: Ask, Do I want the Object, or do I want to be like the Model? This is so simple, but very effective.

2. Name Both: Write down the model and the object, naming or just paying attention to it can breaks the spell.

3. Reality Check: If nobody else cared about this, would I still want it?

4. Choose Thick Desires: Focus on long-term goals that align with meaning and growth.

   • Thin desires: applause, trends, comparison.

   • Thick desires: purpose, relationships, lasting contribution.

5. Do a Desire Detox: Limit your exposure to envy triggers. Take breaks from digital spaces. Social media. Overstimulation.

6. Reframe Envy as Data: Ask, What is this envy revealing about my deeper values? Sometimes, envy is hard data, decode it.

Closing Notes

To maintain life satisfaction, you must beat envy every time. Failing even once can trigger one bad decision that spirals into years of misplaced effort, eg. unsustainable influences, chasing the wrong thing, that creates negative, cascading life consequences lasting years, ultimately making you a “slave” to those choices.

“Envy is not a curse; it’s a signal.” — Shreyas

Most of our desires are borrowed. Debug them before they start driving your choices. Use the mimetic triangle to understand envy and reclaim agency over your decisions.

Next time envy appears, don’t fight it blindly. Debug it. Frame it through the mimetic triangle. Let it guide you toward what’s authentically yours.

Never stop wandering.

References

Neil B Albert, Edwin M Robertson, R Chris Miall (2009 Jun 23) ‘The Resting Human Brain and Motor Learning’, Curr Biol., 19(12), pp. 1023–1027.

Aldrich, N. W. (1988). Old Money: The Mythology of America’s Upper Class. New York, NY: Alfred A. Knopf.

CEPR, 2021. Scapegoating of ethnic minorities: Experimental evidence. [Fig 2.]. Available at: https://cepr.org/voxeu/columns/scapegoating-ethnic-minorities-experimental-evidence (Accessed: 9 October 2025).

Riordan, D.V., 2021. The scapegoat mechanism in human evolution: An analysis of René Girard’s hypothesis on the process of hominization. Biological Theory, 16, pp.242–256. doi:10.1007/s13752-021-00381-y.

Cipolla, C. M. (1976). The Basic Laws of Human Stupidity. Bologna, Italy: Il Mulino.

Doshi, S. (2022, April). Envy is the root cause of many poor choices in our career & life. LinkedIn Post
https://www.linkedin.com/posts/shreyasdoshi_envy-is-the-root-cause-of-many-poor-choices-activity-7353493423028391936-06e1

Girard, R. (1977). Things Hidden Since the Foundation of the World. Stanford University Press.

Daramola, A., & Jeje, A. (1995). Àwọn Àlọ́ Àpá Yorùbá (Yoruba Folktales). Ibadan: Onibonoje Press.

Girard, R. (1986). The Scapegoat. Johns Hopkins University Press.

Oxford English Dictionary. (2024). Definition of envy. Oxford University Press.

Zarrinsadaf, M. (Jul 31, 2025). You’re not thinking [Tweet]. X (formerly Twitter). https://x.com/MoZarrinsadaf/status/1950823290278224353

It now boils down to, what’s in it for them? Especially in a world where creative are skeptic with anything AI, and any tools that promise to be free, we all know this is not the first time design software companies have promised and then do the opposite when creatives are already locked in, Adobe has done it, Figma has done it too by increasing their prices in difficult times, limiting usage to squeeze out more profit when everyone is now dependent on the tool.

If you're getting something for free, you are most likely the product.
— Chris Skinner's

The acquisition

In second quarter of last year, Canva, the design tool for regular people bought the Affinity the professional new industry special kid that came to save all the oppressed creatives from predatory subscriptions model that Adobe is using to strangle us all. They’ve been quiet since the acquisition, leaving everyone guessing to see what’s next, and if there will be a dramatic change to the tools. But because of its low price and full ownership when purchased, the lack of updates was tolerated by the industry, because no one could ask for more. Why would you? The tools already do the bare minimum. The question now is, why will a company acquire a tool for several of millions then make it free for all, that’s very suspicious isn’t it?

The big update

The big update came knocking this week last days of October 2025, Canva shockingly made the pro app which is Affinity free for everyone, not expected at all for a tools that cost several millions of dollars in acquisition.

Creative are right to be wary right? Not letting the excitement blind us. It is usually the pro stuff that costs more money, not the easy-to-use regular tool like the Canva. This direction is a remarkable shift in how design software is priced. For Canva to flip the card make the premium tool free, while monetising the regular tool, it shows there’s something at play and we should all be wary.

Although, they’ve made no significant changes to the current tools compared to the Affinity legacy. Which could all be a plot to not upset the buyer of the legacy tools. It still makes one wonder why they made the new tool free.

The question we should be asking is, what could their strategy be? What’s in it for them in the long run?

Long term strategy

Adobe charges a massive $1,200 per year for a business seat to its design software, and up to $600—800 for professional. Why is Affinity leaving all this money on the table begs for question and is a little bit suspicious. Can we say this is a distribution strategy?

Let’s explore that, Adobe entered the industry with file format .psd, .ai, .indd eventually becoming the industry standard. Especially, among professional users.

First, maybe Canva is also trying to penetrate the market by using .af for all its file format which is a solid move by the way, I like it but I am also skeptical because it is FREE. The reason being that, having all this complex professional tools that define industry skills, now packed into one shell may soon become a big problem for design manager. In terms of utilization, or even project management. We aren’t asking this question now because of excitement.

Secondly, making the professional tool free could be a strategy to accelerate its adoption in the market among professional, so they could win advocacy, which is already working for them. Figma already run this model when it was trying to penetrate the market with .fig and cloud access, and bunch of free stuff in the software like unlimited pages, draft as the main page no team required. To unseat tools like Sketch, Invision and Adobe XD. Once that’s done, we all have seen their real colours.

While everyone is currently fixated on Canva taking on Adobe. I am on that spectrum as well. We should be asking what’s in it for them, and how does that benefit us in the long run. Designer and creative and easy to cajole, lied to and manipulate because our emotion are heighten because of this job. The interesting part is not only the pricing. It’s the standardization of their file format as well, .af format for photo, vector, and layout all in a single shell. If this works could set a new route. But if not, it’s going to flop.

Lastly, keep in mind that while all the Affinity professional software, the likes of photos editing tool, layout; the publication tool, and the vector tool, are all free, there are a few features that require a subscription to Canva. And that’s for the regular costumers who are not designers. Same strategy Figma used, by catering to the upper echelons for collaboration, now that feature is now sitting behind a paywall. How could this affect us all in the future if we locked in into their ecosystem now.

What we should keep in mind

Free is not generosity. Free may be Canva distribution strategy for their tools, else how will you compete with your big brother and unseat the tyrant. They implore Figma strategy, go for the regular people in the chain, that will make professional want to switch when push comes to shove. We all know a lot of the time, creative are in service of this regular people not the other way around. We will need to use what the regular people are familiar with to be able to collaborate properly with them, and if we pay attention to this loop, there’s a model here that will benefit Canva. These are my deductions, and based on mere assumptions only.

In conclusion

Keep in mind, a tool like Affinity is designed for the relatively small percentage of people who can make art or lay out print publications. While Canva is designed for regular office workers, many of whom need to occasionally design social posts, presentations, reports, or even email signatures. For all these people to work together, Canva we need to be tailored in at some point. You won’t have a chance but to be a subscriber. Maybe not now.

They just turned Affinity into a distribution channel to win the creative over, they’re taking a strategic bet and if it works, it’ll all be a very interesting topic for the industry and software business.

Do you agree or have a different take?

One minute in, you’re at ease, with doubt if you can trust the person in front of you crossing their legs and holding a tiny paper and pen, a moment in, you’re laughing about gravy situation and mushing, you can see how ignorant you’ve been with all your intellectual prowess, how little you know about your own mind, sorry to you fellow “pain intellectual”. The next minute in, you’re sobbing, a gush of tears, snot running through your nose uncontrollably. The next you’re punching the pillow, biting it, looking for someone to punch in the face.

The rollercoaster of it all, and someone is there right in front of you, paid to watch, without judgement. Countless downpour of emotion that are undefined flooded you, and some, you don’t even have a word to define, you ransack your subconscious to find a word, but you can’t, even with all your vocabulary collections.

It is humbling, one time you come out with crazy amount of clarity and feeling like you have the tools to navigate all the complexity life throws at you. The next session, you come out with existential questions, not having a clue of where to start dealing with them, but one thing, one thing you know for sure, someone’s there, on the other side ready to shed light to the wound, and help you see the back of your head, that no matter how hard you try, you can never figure out on your own.

My recent experience with some apps is what prompted this. I’ll talk about two different experiences that come to mind, one that can be improved (ClassPass) and the good practice which is (Hinge).

/ The risk to look out for in both on/offboarding is “desperation.”
Go to the extreme on either end, and you risk seeming too desperate, enough for your customers to think you could sell their identity or be shady. That’s the best way to lose people’s loyalty. Easier said, but hard to implement.

/ Different things matter to different customers.
People want different things, which is why you should be careful not to fixate on what makes the minority uncomfortable and end up losing the majority because you’re trying to keep everyone happy or safe. Some relationships come to an end, and there’s nothing you can do about it. This applies to businesses as well.

/ When a customer decides that terminating their contract with you is the next step, a lot has built up to that moment.
What’s really important is making sure you have everything in place so they leave happily. Both parties should feel heard. This benefits the business as well because you can collect unfiltered information that helps improve your services in the long run. If you leave a good impression during off-boarding, people might even come back or refer you to others.

/ ClassPass membership cancellation stood out as an example of desperation.
In my recent encounter, they tried too hard not to let me go, which only reinforced my decision to leave. That’s not all — I had to click through eight steps, scrolling through each before I could make any decision.

/ Hinge, on the other hand, handled it differently.
When I decided online dating wasn’t for me anymore and tried to cancel my account, they offered the option to reset my account instead, essentially clearing out my matching algorithm and starting fresh, which was actually what I needed at the time. And when I finally made up my mind that it still wasn’t for me and decided to close my account again, they didn’t bug me with more offers. I’m sure they knew that at this point, I was done and ready to leave.

You don’t want to be too desperate, nor do you want to just blatantly offer a “Delete account” button that makes it seem like you don’t care at all. The sweet spot is making it easy to leave while ensuring the person feels heard or, to put it in relationship terms, giving them closure. Subtle gestures can be beneficial, like what Hinge did.

/ To conclude, don’t barricade the exit when your customer has decided to leave. There’s a lot of reasoning that built up to the final moment, try to know it. Understand why they’re leaving and use it to improve your service.

If you have an off/onboarding experience you’d like to improve.

Let me know in the comment, I’d love to help.

How it all begin

What if we take a step back, and asked ourselves, what’s the goal of it all, why did we decide to start a business? Earlier it used to be about making something that helps other solves a problem, or solve a pressing issue, providing a solution you we will like to see in the world. When did we kill this purpose, where did the hunger to suck life out of people we claim to care about become rampant? Before tech, most of the solution created was tailored to just one thing, one thing only — to solve a problems, do something that will make life easy for others. That is lacking today, tools are made to suck life out of people, and the people like me and you who experience it all both the sweet side when it all started, to the worst side were seeing now.

Product are barely usable without headaches and anxiety, we are solving one problem and creating another one for people we claim to care about. Love is no longer poured into software. I recently tried to cancel my ClassPass membership and the number of steps I have to take is unbelievable absurd, 8+ steps. I am required to scroll to the bottom of it all before I can even click a button.

Research shows that 60% of inherited wealth is lost by the second generation and 90% by the third. So what’s the fuss and the fixation on chasing growth and billions?! The most you can spend in your lifetime is ~$5m. The point is we need to actually start building product that help us all.

The lack of accessibility

The most accessible in accessibility that we all are clamouring for is by making our tools accessible to all in the first place! No love is pour into software and services anymore. One example that comes to mind is the Google Map App, and the culprit here is the map, first I cannot mention the amount of time I have been directed to the worst place, or should I mentioned when searching for specific locations and you’re bombarded with irrelevant Ads that is not related to what you are looking for. If the most simple things like our navigation app that is supposed to make life easy for all, is already this messed up with ads, complexity, imagine the one that are tailored to profit. Website experienced is a battle with cookies and pops ads, every website looks the same and the one that tried to be different will frustrate you with unnecessary interactions. A simple software, want to make money over you through out your lifetime by hooking you up with unnecessary subscriptions. All in the name of growth and profit!

Google Map refusing to show the important details — distance. And all the recommended location are 7km+ away.

Why this is bad!

I have had to recently canceled my Adobe software subscriptions because I can’t afford it anymore. This is a loud cry for help. Majority are struggling. The amount of money we are paying for services are not worth it anymore, we used to own software outrightly. Where did we stumbled.

I implore us to start asking important question at the core of strategy, a simple question of “Why are we doing this?” and putting humans back at the center of design and services we offer, let’s bring art and love back to our services and tools like the people that precedes us, building an actual tools at a fraction that still works until today with care for humanity, we need to bring back caring about the people that we serve than people who’ve made profit and expecting the number to even multiply.

This is unfiltered, I just wanted to rant after my Google Map app misdirect me multiple times, and refuse to show me a nearby service I requested for, and a fitness subscription won’t let me cancel until my 8th clicks. We need to do better.

Thanks for reading!

Ignore the AI doomsayers, if this post serve that purpose also ignore it—AI isn’t here to replace us; it’s here to enhance the way we work, but only if we truly understand our work. Rather than fearing automation, focus on how AI can speed up repetitive tasks, freeing you to focus on the fun part of the work and use the extra time to develop your expertise.

Tune out the noise of AI doom especially the one from your mentor in the design industry

Lately, I have been unfollowing many so-called design experts, including my mentors, especially on LinkedIn. These are people I looked up to since I began my design career, but I think it is time to let go. It is a necessary decision I have to make for my own sanity and peace of mind. It is as though these people have lost touch with reality, especially with so many people out of jobs and uncertain about what’s next for their future. It is irresponsible of these mentors with all their AI hype.

May be the advice they share publicly is coming from a good place, and they may only be trying to help, but I wish they would tone it down and use their EQ when approaching this conversation. I saw on LinkedIn recently someone said UX and design roles will change for the better and how designers will be required to learn to code and so on. I think it is time to tune out all this noise that will only make you anxious.

I know I am not alone with this feeling; you’ve probably read or listened to one of these AI gloom-and-doom narratives as well. People who are supposed to provide you with a better perspective are there being the scarecrows. I want you to protect your peace of mind, and don’t let all these UX executives, so-called experts, and mentors project their fears onto you—all the fear and insecurity of AI doom in the name of giving you advice. This advice also applies to this article.

I am a fan of this quote:

“Be fearful when others are greedy and be greedy when others are fearful.”

— Warren Buffet

I like to mentally rephrase and say — When everyone is zigging, try to zag, and work really hard to improve your perspective to see what others are not seeing.

What are the steps to take to future-proof your design career?

I will say go back to the basics of everything. I mean, learn Computer Science fundamentals again. Don’t get me wrong; this isn’t about learning to code, but to understand how programming works and how your design contribution is being implemented. There are a lot of free fundamental courses out there. GitHub and edX offer some excellent resources you can check out.

Understand what an algorithm is and programming logic. These are not really hard concepts. It will make it easy for you to use AI for your work. Understand what is happening as people interact with your final design—that’s the backend. Learn and understand how information is stored.

Don’t stop at just code. Understand the future of design as well. What are pixel concepts, colors, depth, and all the fundamentals of visual design? Examples include contrast, typography, etc. Learn what spatial reality is. Make your design and roots really strong so you can manipulate AI to achieve anything you imagine, from concept to finishing.

“Treating AI like an intern is a game-changing mindset. If you take agency over how you use it, AI is a powerful resource that will free up time for strategic thinking, allow you to tackle projects gathering digital dust, and jumpstart creative ideation.”

— Katy Turner, Product Marketing Manager for AI at Coda

To conclude,

Currently, everyone is so fixated on AI that it’s not getting anything done for them but mediocre output because they lack the foundation or just don’t understand what they’re doing to the core, leaving developers with extra work to handle in the name of utilizing AI. People who are definitely reaping the AI benefits to the fullest are the experts who know exactly what they’re doing and what they’re trying to output.

A recent report I can no longer find for some reason shows how investment experts made at least 60% more money than the regular individual using AI to make the same investment. The individual made money as well, but not as much as the expert who clearly understands what they’re doing and has a strong root in the fundamentals.

The people who will reap the benefits are those who are really good at what they do and have a clear understanding of what they need to use AI for. If you jump in without understanding programming languages or having any fundamentals, you’re just setting yourself up for frustration, a lot of wasted time, and repetitive work you’re trying to avoid.

The journey is interesting, as there will be lots of cool AI tools shipped this year. You just have to make sure you’re ready for them and use them to your advantage.

Don’t let the fear monger get to you, they’re just projecting. Don’t fall for it.

Here’s the updated version of my yearly retrospective questionnaire template on Notion that align with Stoic principles and practices if you’re curious.

Feel free to copy, add, rearrange or remove questions as you wish, and share your edits with me. This is a personal exercise that I started in 2020 and it has since become a tradition for me that I enjoy doing year to year. I hope you find it valuable as well.

The questions are as follow:

1. What new path did you tread this year that you had never walked before? Was it virtuous and worthy of continuation, or should it be abandoned?

2. Which lands did you travel to this year, list them? Which of them nurtured your soul, and which would you willingly return to? What new places will you seek in the coming year?

3. What do you still desire yet lack? Have you prepared yourself, in mind and effort, to obtain it without being enslaved by its pursuit?

4. Did you give life to your vision or leave it to linger in thought? How will you take greater action to bring your aspirations into reality?

5. What was your greatest failure this year? How did it test your resolve, and did it strengthen or weaken you? How many of your trials bent your spirit but did not break it?

6. What was your greatest triumph this year? Did you take time to rejoice in it, or was the joy fleeting? What did it teach you of the nature of contentment?

7. Where did your wealth flow this year? Did it go toward what is necessary and good, or did it serve desires that added no lasting value?

8. What fears burden you? What steps can you take to lessen their weight and strengthen your peace of mind?

9. In comparing yourself to last year, are you wiser, more at peace, or closer to living the life you deem virtuous? Have you grown in body, wealth, or happiness—or faltered in any of these?

10. Did love find you this year, or did you seek it in vain? What did love teach you of yourself and others?

11. Is there someone you have wronged or neglected? Will you take the necessary steps to restore what has been lost in that bond?

12. Who among those you met this year brought the greatest wisdom or joy into your life? What did you learn from them?

13. What lesson, born of this year’s experiences, will you carry forward as a guide for the years to come? How will it shape your actions?

14. What did you avoid out of fear or laziness that you know you should have faced? How will you muster the courage to address it next year?

15. Did you exercise mastery over your desires and impulses, or were you ruled by them? How will you take greater control in the coming year?

16. What time was wasted in trivial pursuits? How will you guard against letting the same happen again?

17. What wisdom did you gain through suffering or hardship? How can you apply this wisdom to live more virtuously?

18. Did you focus on what was within your control and let go of what was not? Where did you fail in this regard?

19. Have you been kind, just, and fair in your dealings with others? If not, where must you improve?

20. If this were your last year, would you have lived it well? What changes will you make to ensure you do not waste another moment?

Prioritizing style over usability can frustrate even fellow designers, let alone hiring managers or investors, especially when they’re reviewing dozens or even hundreds of websites in a week.

While some manage to implement scrolljacking effectively, it requires exceptional craftsmanship and careful consideration. More often than not, it becomes a usability disaster. Altering the natural pace or direction of scrolling which often contradicts user expectations and undermines their sense of control. It can work in rare cases when executed with carefully, but for most purposes, it’s an unnecessary risk.

When we talk about scrolljacking being properly executed, Apple often comes to mind. However, even Apple uses it sparingly and strategically. They limit its application to scenarios where users have already demonstrated a clear intent to explore detailed product specifications. Crucially, their main site avoids scrolljacking entirely.

As Sara Paul aptly puts it —
“Altering the normal pace or direction of scrolling can contradict user expectations, control, and freedom. Task-oriented users did not have nearly as much patience for scrolljacking as users who were just exploring the site.”

In today’s world of shortened attention spans and tighter schedules, designs that impede efficiency are counterproductive. While “scrolljacking” or scroll hijacking may work for experiences tailored to children or highly experimental contexts, for adult users and professional scenarios, it’s often more frustrating than impressive.

When designing, always prioritize the user’s intent and their time. A great website doesn’t just look cool—it delivers value quickly and effectively.

1. Understand the Basics of UX Design

• Learn the fundamentals: Understand what UX (User Experience) and UI (User Interface) design mean and how they differ.

• Key Concepts: Learn about user research, wireframing, prototyping, user flows, information architecture, usability, and interaction design.

Resources:

• Free: CareerFoundry UX Design Short Course

• Paid: Udemy – User Experience Design Essentials

2. Master Design Tools

Get comfortable with design tools like Figma, Sketch, or Adobe XD, which are industry standards for creating designs and prototypes.

Resources:

• Free: Figma Learning

• Paid: Coursera - UI/UX Design Specialization

3. Learn About UX Research

• Understand how to conduct user interviews, usability testing, and surveys to gather valuable insights.

• Learn how to analyze user behaviors and needs to inform your designs.

Resources:

• Free: NN Group Articles

• Paid: Interaction Design Foundation - User Research Methods

4. Practice Wireframing and Prototyping

• Wireframing helps you layout basic structures, while prototyping gives you the tools to test functionality and interaction.

• Start building wireframes for apps or websites you find interesting to practice.

Resources:

• Free: Wireframe.cc

• Paid: Udemy – Learn Figma: User Interface Design

5. Start Building a Portfolio

• As you practice, begin showcasing your projects. Your portfolio should include case studies where you explain your design process, challenges, and solutions.

• Try participating in design challenges like Daily UI to build more projects.

Resources:

• Free: Dribbble Playoffs (for inspiration and community challenges)

• Free: Daily UI Challenge

6. Join Design Communities

• Network with other designers, get feedback, and learn from their experiences.

• Join communities on Slack, LinkedIn, and forums like Designer Hangout, UX Mastery, or Reddit’s UX Design.

Resources:

• Free: Designer Hangout

• Free: UX Design on Reddit

7. Apply Knowledge with Projects

• Real-life practice is key, so work on side projects, volunteer for non-profits, or redesign existing products to put your skills to the test.

• Start working on personal projects like redesigning apps/websites you use daily.

Resources:

• Free: Sharpen Design Challenges

• Free: Behance (to showcase projects)

8. Learn about Accessibility and Inclusive Design

• Designing for accessibility ensures that your work is usable by all individuals, including those with disabilities.

Resources:

• Free: Google – Web Fundamentals on Accessibility

• Paid: Udacity – UX Accessibility Course

General Paid Resources:

• Interaction Design Foundation (great for beginners and professionals alike)

• Coursera UI/UX Design Specialization

By following this roadmap, you’ll gain a well-rounded understanding of UI/UX and be able to build a strong foundation for your design career. Don’t forget to stay curious, seek feedback, and keep practicing!

I saw a joke going around recently, where people still struggle to differentiate the difference between UI and UX.

Let me explain what you should deliver as a User Interface (UI) Designer or generally known as a Product Designer. All designs should come with a compulsory UX guideline once you’re done. It is the guiding principle of any visual, in this aspect, the User Interface (UI). This is why if a graphics designer, designs a brand identity or a logo it comes with a guideline to guide whoever will be applying the application. Your guideline for User Interface (UI) which you can call annotation or wireframes documents in this aspect is your User Experience (UX) guide, you just don’t hand off your pretty UI and tell your team that you’re done with the project and that they should develop it without defining basic interaction. It’s not done that way.

How your flows and interactions work together to help your users perform an action with your design is what you add to this guide.

And this comes with basic principles of every interaction which are; the intention, the action performed and the feedback the user gets, plus rules to guide the interaction. For example, you shouldn't match the break of your car while accelerating without slowing down, you know what could happen.

Let me explain how interaction works:

• The intention, for every interaction there’s an intent, just as you would expect if you insert a key into your car ignition and turn it that it should start. That’s your intention, to start your car.

• The action, this you must perform if you want your car to start, you want to hear that “dasumsuumsum” sound. What is happening in your car to hear that sound is the work of beautiful electrical and mechanical UX;

“You bring out your key, you insert the key in to your ignition, turn the key in your car, the starter motor "turns the engine over," which means it turns the crankshaft which in turn gets the pistons moving in the cylinders. This starts the engine cycle. Air and fuel is drawn into the cylinders, it is compressed and the then the spark plugs fire. This begins combustion and your car moves.”

This simple action here is designed by electrical and mechanical engineering using solid UX principles, to make everything easy for the driver. But most drivers don’t care about this, just make the damn car start.

• The feedback is how your car is designed to tell the driver that her car has started, so they don’t lose focus or start doing something else. The “dasumsuumsum” is the feedback.

This simple interaction happens day to day in our lives. It happens everywhere, even when you tap the large green rectangle “the dial button” on your phone after inserting a 9 to 11-digit numeral, and you expect your partner, friend, or boss gadget to ring somewhere. This is you performing an action, with intent and expecting feedback the word “Hello”. For you to enjoy all this little interaction is where UX comes in, and they are governed by UX guidance and rules.

Your UI wouldn’t tell you if your partner's phone is not reachable due to network issues, these are all work of UX. You’re getting this feedback because of the guidelines and rules that are in place. If not you won’t ever know when to stop dialling.

And these my friend, are what you to define in your UX guide to show that your product is functional, when your user taps this button this should happen. It is how every complex interaction works and this must be communicated clearly. At the end of your design process, your job is to inform your developers what they need to do.

In the end, they need to understand:

• The information hierarchy - Through your information architecture overview

• The product structure - Through your user flows

• The content - This will be inside the wireframes

• The rules - These will be your wireframes’ annotated notes

These are the key main information to include in your wireframes/annotation document, and the guideline when handing it off.

And this is what UX is!